i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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