I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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