Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
