I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
