i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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