I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
