just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
