My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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