he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
