im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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