I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
