You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize