You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just google imaged poop.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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