I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
