every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
