That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
