She is in my trunk
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
