hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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