I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
