as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
