My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
