Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
