apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
