I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
