he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
