ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
