I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
