She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
