Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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