I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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