didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
