is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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