I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
