I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize