Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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