I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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