So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it hurts more in the daytime
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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