As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
