i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
