I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
