Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
