Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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