It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
