you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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