It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
