I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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