hotel room ftw
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
