i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
