I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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