i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
