Where is the hickey?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
