is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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