Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
