How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
