dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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