She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
