I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
