Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
