I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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