and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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