Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
