Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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