the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize